Anonymous said: you look fucking stupid in a dress, DUDE
come closer one second
okay close enough
i have a simple question: which of us is wearing a crown?
that would be me.
do you know what this crown means?
it means i look fucking cute
and you’re the human embodiment of a sore butt
now as your fucking queen, i royally declare
that i am beautiful and you are a listerine enema
so we went to an improv show and we played this game where somebody is given a trait and another player has to guess what it is based on how they answer questions
and one of the players who was a taxidermist was asked “what do you do for a living?” and she replied “oh you know…. stuff” AND TO THIS DAY THAT IS THE GREATEST PUN I HAVE EVER HEARD MY GOD
why did i learn about photosynthesis b4 i learned about privilege and oppression
Anonymous said: How much do you feed your baby? She's so fat! No offence. But obesity is genetic and I think she's on that track. Maybe watch how much she's eating so she won't have weight problems when she's big?
OH MY FUCKING GOBS ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?????
Did you seriously just call my absolutely perfect baby girl FAT and basically insinuate that she needs to go on a fucking diet at not even 6 months old?!? Fucking seriously???? You are the scum of the earth for even thinking that a baby is “fat” and you’re a worthless piece of shit for sending me this message!!! She’s a BABY!!!!!!!!!
This is getting out of hand people.
what the fuck
Dad: “GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!” Child: *storms off* “JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!” Dad: “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS!?”
a man is driving his son to school. they get into an accident and the man dies. the son is rushed to the hospital and when he arrives for emergency surgery the doctor says “i cant operate on this boy, he is my son!” how is this possible?
omg one time our english teacher told us this to try and show what a modern thinker he was and we were all like “it’s a woman” and he was like oh wow i thought he was gay i hadn’t thought of that
"you have an essay due monday"
"you need to go outside and be a valued member of society"
"get off the computer, it’s 2 in the morning"
"they’re just fictional characters"